Kicking and Screaming

 Everyone is familiar with the stories. Individuals raised in the church grow up, experience the world, and fall away. Too often, they stay away from the Fold of God that had kept them safe for the entirety of their lives. Instead, they lead the rest of their lives relying on themselves, their own desires, and their own accomplishments to bring them fulfillment.

Other times, though, like in the Parable of the Prodigal Son, some of these people, loved and cherished by the God who created them, realize that life without their Heavenly Father is too hard to live without Him.

And so, in great humility, they return to God. Perhaps they never lost faith in Him, per say, but they stopped listening to His voice and following the teachings of Jesus.

For those unfamiliar, the Parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32 tells the story of a man who had two sons. The younger son asked his father for his half of the inheritance so that he could go out on his own.

"The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them."

 What is lost on many is just how selfish this request was. The younger son wanted his half of his inheritance while his father was still alive. He wished that his father, who raised him, loved him, provided for him, was dead. Unwilling to wait for his father's death, he asked for the inheritance right away.

And his father gave it to him.

His father sold half of his land and gave half of the monetary possessions he had to his youngest son, who then went off to live life without his loving father.

And while he enjoyed his life for a while, it was not long until that money ran out. Now, the rational thing to do, with no money, no friends, no anything would have been to go back home.

But he did not. At least, not right away.

"After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything."

The Scriptures do not explain why the son did not return to his father when his situation deteriorated. But, having begun the son's journey myself, I know why.

There is a reason Pride is considered one of the seven deadly sins. Pride is the reason the son asked for his inheritance in the first place, wanting to elevate himself through luxurious living, and Pride is the reason he did not initially return.

It is a difficult thing to admit one's mistakes, one's sins against another, especially when the One wronged is the One who so lovingly provided. He did not do anything to deserve the abandonment he received.

Too proud to repent and confess his sins, the son tried to make it on his own. He hired himself out to farmers, took care of pigs (which was one of the least desirable jobs in that culture), but was unable to build himself back up. Pride convinced him he could do it on his own.

He could not. 

I could not.

And so, after staring hungrily at the slop he was feeding the pigs, the son came to a realization. He could return home.

But it took his pride being broken for him to accept that this was a possibility for him.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father."

The son accepted his unworthiness. He admitted to himself that what he had done was wrong. But it was not a quick realization because his former pride would not allow him to say the quiet part out loud.

Kicking and screaming is a phrase often used by people to describe how they were brought into a situation they did not want to be in, but found it to be rich and rewarding. Their prior fears, views, and attitudes, however, made them unwilling at first.

Such was the case for the son.

Such was the case for me.

Now, the son was ready to fall to his father's feet, beg his forgiveness, and accept a role as a lowly servant in his father's household.

Instead of pride, he was humbled.

But the incredible part of this story, is what happened next.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."

When the son returned home, his father was waiting for him. His father greeted him with an embrace and a kiss. But the son still had a weight to unload. He confessed his sin again, this time to his father, not just to himself.

This is an important part of the repentance process, and another step in the shattering of pride. Not only did he admit to himself that what he had done was wrong, he confessed and repented to the man he had wronged.

In the world, one cannot always expect other people to be so forgiving. Some hurts are too deep for the human heart to forgive, at least without the power of Jesus.

But the father, in addition to forgiving his lost son, clothed him in the finest robe, reasserted his son's stature in the house by putting a ring on his finger, and threw a party to celebrate his return.

While the parable finishes with a telling of the older son's initial resentment of his brother's return, and his father's joy for it, it does not detail what life was like for the younger son after his return.

But we, well I, can surmise. Some may say that repenting of one's mistake is the hardest, but most important part of the journey back into the Fold of God. I, however, disagree.

To be certain, the journey back saw me kicking and screaming the entire way. And here I am, broken, humble, and ashamed of what I have done. But I am also filled with joy, a joy that I do not think I can describe. 

But there is also fear. A fear of the temptations that will come to go back to the old prideful way of living. There is still the urge to give into earthly desires over those of Jesus. 

And it will be hard. It is not going to be easy.

But thanks be to God.

He is my Father.

I am his son.

And I am filled with gladness to be back in the fold of God.